If you are sad . . .
A shadow overbears.
You were good, but then crushed.
It gets dark so easy sometimes.
People around you don’t always understand.
Sometimes the tears flow, and other moments they are locked inside.
The soul sinks.
At times it’s even hard to breathe.
If you feel any of the above, oh, how I want to reach through this article and give you a hug, as well as grab a cup of joe with you. You are not alone. You’re not.
I can’t tell you how many days, weeks, months, and even years it has been dark. And I mean midnight dark. I recently read a book called A Gift of Hope: Finding Faith Behind Barbed Wire, by John Hornbeck, which is a wonderful, compelling, and true story about his father-in law, who was a prisoner of war in Germany during WWII. There is a chapter in it titled “A Different Flavor of Fear.” Well, I think there are “different flavors of depression” too.
I used to hate that word—depression. I despised the word because my mother suffered with it horribly, and I did not want to associate myself with that kind of pain. However, I have come to realize that sometimes I just get hit with that storm cloud of emptiness that is so all-consuming. It can feel like a never-ending downward spiral.
We’ve just wrapped up the holidays, and if you, too, struggle with being sad, Christmas and New Year’s can seem to magnify the sorrow. It does not help that it is as black as a raven when we arise, and before most of us get home from work, that darkness has returned, which can mirror how we feel on the inside.
The title of this article could have grabbed your attention for many different reasons. You could have lost a loved one and are missing them all so much. Perhaps you fell back into addiction, and the shame and guilt are more than knocking at your door. Possibly your spouse, significant other, children, or someone else said something very hurtful to you. Perchance trauma is resurfacing for some reason or another. Potentially you are feeling all so lonesome. Or, you are just down. Different flavors, but they all deserve love, attention, care, and mending.
In my life, when the depression has rolled in, I instantly send a prayer up. Sometimes this is in my mind, or I journal to some degree or fashion. Other times the pain is so strong that it is hard to pray, let alone write. In those cases I will weep and just say the name Jesus.
After I have settled, I then sit with the Lord for a while and process my emotions. I express to Him all the various things going on in my mind and soul. Next, I crack open the good Word of God (the Bible). I will either pick up where I left off the day prior, read the Psalms, or honestly, just randomly open it and start reading.
The other night, around 10:30 p.m., I crawled into bed with brushed teeth, and I was feeling pretty good. I was careful to not do too much screen time on my phone and zoned into reading a little of the Bible before closing my eyes.
As I laid in bed, I started to toss and turn, and the all-familiar heaviness returned. Sometimes the sadness is manifested from disturbing memories overlaying in my mind, and other times the depression just appears. That is what happened last night; out of nowhere, the darkness just sprang up.
I could tell it was spiritual warfare, so I said, “Blood of Jesus. Blood of Jesus” (see Exodus 12:13). I partnered His blood with a couple of prayers that looked something like, “Lord, I am sad again. Ugh. You love me. You love me. I am safe. I am safe.” I eventually fell asleep. I awoke, and the sadness was still lingering.
I made my way downstairs to let my sweet beagle, Caleb, out to go potty. Sleepy-eyed, I walked back up the stairs and made breakfast for both Caleb and me. She had dog food, and I had over-creamed coffee. I grabbed my journal and started to share my heart with the Lord. I then seized my Bible and read some of the New Testament. As I read the chapters and verses in front of me, the internal sun started to rise again. Revelation brewed that sent the depression out the window. I continued to talk to Him as I read the Scriptures. As I finished off the last page of my reading for that morning, I was back to “bubbly joy Ashley.”
This happens almost EVERY TIME—the depression leaves after being in the Word. It can be all so heavy, but after spending time with Jesus I am renewed, rejuvenated, and restored. The days that it is extra heavy and I feel the enemy is attacking me, I will read Psalm 91 out loud until the darkness has fled.
I pray, in the name of Jesus, as you read this, that the sadness is already starting to lift. I will gently nudge you to go share your heart to Jesus. Just talk to Him like a friend. No fancy words are needed. Then I will encourage you to get in the Word. You do not have to read a lot in the Bible; sometimes I only read and meditate on a few verses. It does not matter, the Lord is not legalistic, but what does matter is that we let the Word of God wash us. Wash the conscience, the mind, the heart, and yes, that sadness that wants to creep in more than we would like to admit.
You will get through this. You will. The sun is going to come out for you. This season will teach you empathy, love, and care for others. This wave of sadness will draw you close to Jesus, and it will produce even a stronger bond with Him. So much spiritual muscle is getting produced in you.
If you think about it, this is a gift. Not one that you would expect or even at first desire, but as you start to unwrap the wounds of your soul and let Jesus and His words minister to you, you will indeed see the present. The present of His presence, unconditional love, and strength.
Late Merry Christmas and truly Happy New Year—you are loved. Blessings, Ashley
Some verses to lean into when you are sad: Psalm 6:6–9; Psalm 27:13–14; Psalm 34; Isaiah 54:10–17; and Isaiah 55.
